The past that allures me.

I am feeling very nostalgic these days... i miss my past, my childhood. when my dad was still with me. my old friends. when there was nothing in the world that could make me worry. everything was peaceful, so calm and perfect. As i grew and changed, so has my life. And now, this, what it has become.

I don't know. so many things had changed. sometimes i wonder why my dad......... why my mom.....

Such things that i had to go through. such harsh and painful events. yes i might be living, i might not be living to the fullest. i am going to prove it all wrong! i will change it! there might still be times where i will shudder, and hide from the truth. i wish for support, from my friends and my only family. Though i rarely get encouragement, i still endure, hoping one day, i will get what i want. What i have gotten, i deserved. i have no regrets.

A simple wish, takes a lifetime to be fulfilled, and only the ones near me are able to fulfill it.

The love i had obtained in money and objects, but not in affection and heart felt warmth. i wish for those, but are unable to reach for even a tiny bit of it.

The care i had given, taken for granted. what has driven me to continue to live this long? my fear of death? the things i would miss and forget if i were to leave this world? for the sake of my mom? to prove myself wrong? what is it? i want to know. i will find out. maybe.... maybe.... to achieve my dreams and wishes..... to find it..... yes.... that might be it....... i might have found it..... will i be able to....... cherish it...... will i? that.... i leave to fate, and hope it will not forsake its duty.....

With this. i change my perception of life. i always say i would change..... hopefully i will be able to. with one last sentence. 'Friends, i seek your help and guidance.'

Please, assist me through this wretched life i now possess, and help me reach for the new, or old life, that i once had. it is not an easy job, and i cannot do it alone. And, when this new life had been given to me, i shall treasure it with all my heart. i will not let it go. never.

The tears i have shed, the new things i have gained, will not go to waste. Friends, you have my deepest and sincerest gratitude, i shall always be there, in light or in darkness, to repay the kindness, the debt i owe, for you, i will do anything.