HAHA! it's absolutely incredible the way Ezrul writes! i just can't stop commenting on his 'work' but it's just very very good! Ezrul, if you're reading this, i'm honoured to be able to read your blog and hopefully be one of the firsts to lay eyes on those stories you mentioned. i'm sure they'll be good reads. How envious i am on so many people in this world, but only i can make that first move to change,to improve myself. i really admire how Ezrul writes and hope to be as good as him some day. XD
As of now, no more mediocre essays and mere simple english! my new best friends are Dictionaries and Novels! haha, just joking on that last part. XD
I've been afflicted with a great deal of depression. it reaches me even when i'm in my 'happy place', and it seems to find me wherever i go. Sometimes even in certain places and times which i would not have expected. well, maybe not THAT deep of depression, but more of a sense of loss. as if i just lost all hope in life, nothing but a meaningless journey to nowhere. as though i've been walking an illusionary path into a place where hope and dreams come true. i just don't know what hit me.... there's too much to count.
Speaking of counting, my friends aren't the best to count on for comfort. no offense to all my friends, i'm not aiming at anyone in specific. This is more of a general topic. Either that some have the intense density of a neutron star, or that the others don't have any better way of showing their care and concern... All i get is, 'it's your own fault, yourself is to blame.' 'you didn't do good enough to deserve it' and all kinds of other crap. if not, it's a strong shot of ignorance and a quick change of topic. They can't even say a measly 'i feel sorry for you' or, 'you did your best'. another source of this depression/sorrow/lifelessness/uneasyness, is none other than a lovely thick skinned criticizer i call, my mom. she is never, i repeat, NEVER satisfied with whatever i do. especially in exams..... she can overlook almost anything i'm able to do well on, and go straight to the criticism.... it's almost like a hobby to her. and guess the first line she spat at me when i told her my BI results.... (in chinese)'hmph,your grades dropped again.' WHAT A LINE! i told myself... that's only less than one tenth of what she's capable of....... i've really had it with all this. i can only take in so much! i wonder how much longer till another breakdown.... not long i bet. another thing i've noticed, is that girls get all the attention on even minor things like headaches and stuff. yes yes, 'they're girls, TOP PRIORITY'.
An invisible peasant that no one knows of has lost his appetite, his mood, his enjoyment of life, his last drops of care that people have for him, and moreover, his final strands of existence in other's eyes. those lines are silently dissipating into thin air. slowly and painfully drifting away from that lowly peasant that no one seem to notice. and soon, he shall fade from this world, not knowing the truth on whether he was truly loved, wanted, or was he deceived by all whom he called friends. he shall never get to know.
Oh how it hurts to leave the lime light and watch someone take your place..... oh how it stabs the heart with an endless stream of bullets and blades.
I shall stop here, as most of you would be dead, reading this sorrowful and mood killing blog. go on now, you can leave this desolate blog and enjoy your love while it lasts. do remember to treasure it, though this line would be meaningless until you have lost it. Until then.......
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